You want to trust…but you just can’t.
There are a lot of you out there who have severe trust issues and this in turn sabotages your relationships. You’re not able to trust anyone you’re with no matter how hard you try. It’s an awful situation: you want to be with somebody, but at the same time you don’t want to be with that person because you just don’t trust them.
Several reasons may exist as to why you don’t trust someone. Perhaps you were hurt in the past and it’s a challenge to do so again. Or you know that your current partner cheated in previous relationships and you’re terrified they’ll do it to you.
I used to be the same way. Sad, but true.
I myself used to be with a woman who had cheated on a few of her long-term boyfriends. We knew a lot about each other’s pasts and this was something she had confessed to me.
It was better for me not to have known.
Even though I loved her I was perpetually afraid that she was going to cheat on me. Suspicion was driving me crazy. I was torturing myself with images of her sleeping with some other guy. When she told me she was going out with girlfriends I would start to think she was going to meet another man instead.
I walked around miserable and unhappy. I was in the grip of a mental torture I couldn’t escape. I felt as though I was suffocating.
I tried everything: praying to God, talking with friends, trying to squash the sinister thoughts right out of my head. I even considered going to a psychologist, but I didn’t do it because I didn’t have money for that at the time.
Of course, my relationship was hell. Never having cheated myself on anyone, I didn’t understand why someone would do that. I became self-righteous and began angrily reprimanding my partner. I acted as though she had cheated on me instead of her exes.
I was crazy jealous too. I always feared that she would like another guy, that she would leave me for someone else.
When she went on business trips it was the worst. I was in agony, depressed and anxious as I imagined her having sex with some colleague in a hotel far away from me.
Lack of trust rips people apart
As was to be expected, my jealousy and insane moods was ripping us apart. I murdered a lot of beautiful things in our relationship but I just couldn’t control myself. One really low point was when I was struggling to kill my emotions for her so that I would be indifferent. I thought that emotional indifference would be more preferable to the raging torture I was suffering.
Eventually she and I became distant. In the end I quit the relationship. For me it was a kind of emotional euthanasia. I felt immense relief that I no longer had to worry about her cheating on me. It was pure bliss.
Currently I’m with a woman who I feel I can trust. I’m at peace finally. It’s like being on a permanent holiday. I’m overjoyed that the demons tearing my mind in my previous relationship haven’t reappeared in the new one.
And you know what? After I got together with my current partner, my ex confessed to me that she had, in fact, cheated on me.
Trust for your own sake
The lesson to learn here is that all my crazed maniacal behavior didn’t stop my ex from cheating on me. In fact, maybe I drove her to it. It doesn’t matter anymore.
But what you must realize is that you should trust someone for your own sake. Lack of trust and never ending vigilance won’t stop someone from cheating on you.
The reason why you should trust your partner is because you want peace in your own mind. Make a choice to trust your partner and to treat him/her as well as you can. Love that person to your utmost capacity. If you do eventually discover that your partner has been sleeping with someone else, then deal with that from the moment it happens. Don’t be afraid of things that haven’t happened yet. Especially when there are no clues or hints.
That is the true importance of trust within a relationship. It’s something we do for ourselves, and to a certain extent, the sake of the relationship. Once you have the delicious peace of mind that naturally accompanies trust, then that will benefit the relationship greatly. It could even go a long way in preventing what you’re most afraid of.
Today I finally realize the importance of trust. I know that whether my partner proves to be trustworthy or not is beside the point. A relationship simply can’t function well when there’s no trust on either side, no matter what calamities may occur in the future.
Every new relationship is a risk. You’re making an emotional investment instead of a financial one. If you’re willing to believe in the growth potential of some start-up company, then surely you can believe in a single human being.
It’s normal not to trust your enemy. Your partner is not supposed to be your enemy but a good friend. Friends are supposed to trust each other. It’s the essence behind relationships, what holds them up and allows them to flourish.